He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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