she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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