PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
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Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
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By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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