Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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