why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
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Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
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