it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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