you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize