you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
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I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
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There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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