I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
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I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
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he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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