New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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