So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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