New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
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My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's shark week go big or go home
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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