saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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