take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
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Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
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There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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