just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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