Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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