If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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