She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
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we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
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She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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