Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Randomize