his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
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I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
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Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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