im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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