I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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