Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
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No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
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You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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