He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize