I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
please come you make the beer taste better
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize