What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize