I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
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