My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
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after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
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you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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