the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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