Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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