I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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