You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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