I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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