dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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