i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
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i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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