I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize