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the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
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