Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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