I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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