My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize