Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
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Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
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grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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