he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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