The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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