is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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