You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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