My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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