A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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