are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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