yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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