No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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